1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
