Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
