well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
