If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
