I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
