She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
