do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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