Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
