She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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