Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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