the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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