Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
