no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
