About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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