God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
