You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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