The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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