She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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