Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
