just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
