I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize