Fuck appropriateness.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
