Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
