Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
