Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
