If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
