I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
