Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
