he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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