i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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