Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
third nipple confirmed
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
