it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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