You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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