She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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