Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
