do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
