marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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