I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
