I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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