You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
