is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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