Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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