2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
