Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize