He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
