the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
