She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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