At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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