Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
