The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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