She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize