Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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