The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
