Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
