I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize