it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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