hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
