the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
