I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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