haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
