no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
