FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
