He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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