So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize