you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Never let your siblings swipe right.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
