My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
