I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were trust falling into bushes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
