Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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