So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
