I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
