Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
