i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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