do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
