Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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