Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
