I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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