If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
