It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
