saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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